Get What You Want

We all want something. Always. And we all want someone to do things for us. This is not selfish, dishonest or manipulative. This is life & business. Examples: managers present incentives for their sales force to make their numbers, parents offer rewards for their children for good behavior, dog owners dangle a treat to recall their dogs. In any situation involving human interaction; simple or complex; personal, professional or otherwise there exists three basic principals.

1) An objective (That "thing" that a person wants)

2) An obstacle (That "thing" in the way of getting what a person wants)

3) An action (That thing to "do" to get what a person wants, i.e. overcome the obstacle)

Here's a very simple step-by-step breakdown of how you get clarity on what you want, stay focused on it and jump the hurdles along the way. This is great for problem solving, managerial skills & interpersonal issues in the workplace as well.

1) Objective:

Ask yourself the following question. What do I want? Get a promotion? Communicate more effectively? Start a family? loose weight? What ever it is, be specific and write it down.

2)Obstacle:

Ask yourself the following question. What's in the way of getting what I want?

Often times the famous Pogo comic strip quote, "We have met the enemy and he is us" applies here. Take an inventory of whatever is in your way. Again, get specific about it. Name it. Write it down.

3) Action

Ask yourself the following question. What will I do to get what I want?

Given the presupposition that we are all acting within the moral, ethical and legal confines of our global society, what is the most resourceful action for you to take to overcome the obstacle in your way from achieving your objective? How much of it is within your power to change? How much of it do you need to rely on others to change? Specificity is important here. Name it.

Armed with these three specific questions and answers, you will be able to achieve and progress in any interpersonal interaction. The truth is, we all answer these questions in nano-seconds hundreds and hundreds of times a day, everyday of our lives. This three step process is designed to put the process in super slow-motion and allow you the time to be conscious of how to effectively get to the next level of your life. You handle the specifics, i.e. career, money, health, friends & family, personal growth, recreation, physical environment. Just plug in the issue to the algorithm and strap yourself in for a speedy trip to the next level.

Robert Dioguardi, CPCC

Certified Professional Co-Active Coach

www.visceralcoaching.com

Tips on maintaining focus on your new years resolution

So its the end of January, the glitz of the New Years celebration has worn off for sure, the winter weather has moved in for a 3 month sublet and right about now is the time when we all get a little slippery with the resolutions we were so gung-ho about on New Years Day. If you're saying "Yes, that's me" and/or you find yourself wondering what exactly it was that you've resolved to change in 2010, here are 5 tips on how to give your resolutions a booster shot for lasting positive change.



1) Make it specific.

A resolution "to get more rest" is general and allows for too much wiggle room. Don't let yourself wiggle out of your commitment. Write down your resolution in it's most simple essential form. For example: I will go to bed at 9:30pm, 3 days a week for one month.





2) Put it in your calendar.

When do you want to achieve this resolution. In the example above, choose a specific day to begin and a specific day to end, then commit. If it's a "being-state" resolution - For example: you want to be nicer to your mother-in-law - then break it down to specific step by step actionable components that you can track. For example: I will call my mother-in-law once a week and ask, "how are you?" This is a simple actionable step that supports the larger resolution of wanting to be nicer to your mother-in-law.





3) Be held accountable to your resolution.

Tell someone - who is not a friend - that you want to achieve this resolution and ask them to help you with it. A co-worker, supervisor, employer, coach or mentor. It's important that it not be a friend because friends tend to let us slide when we get lazy or unspecific about our goals. A boss, supervisor, mentor or coach is more likely to hold you to what it is you say you want to do. Especially a coach. That's our job!





4) Make a resolution that you actually want to achieve.

Wanting it for yourself, working towards it, knowing that your quality of life will improve because of it will sustain you during times when you lack focus. So check your gut. Ask yourself what you truly want to resolve. Then commit to it.





5) Make it BIG for cryin' out loud!

You want to incorporate a resolution (change) in you life, so step boldly into it. Visualize yourself already doing/being that resolution. Allow yourself to feel what its like and claim it as yours. Personify who you will be once the resolution is achieved.
Here's a hint: It's OK if it's a little scary. That makes it exciting and it also expands the limits of who you think you are & what you can do. It's always more than what you think. Always.


Good luck! And know that we can all do & be what want by:

a) Claiming it

b) Committing to it

c) Achieving it

For more information on how to maintain focus on your New Years Resolutions, how to set clear resonant goals & achieve them go to http://www.visceralcoaching.com/



Robert Dioguardi, CPCC

Certified Empowerment Coach

http://www.visceralcoaching.com/

2010's Reinvention Rant

Well, it's a New Year already. Time really does fly. I'll bet at some point during the holiday week/s you've looked at the dwindling December calendar and found yourself saying "where'd it all go? The month? The year? And oh my G-d, the decade!!" Yeah, the decade. Remember Y2K? That was the big concern for the beginning of the millennium. Guess it worked out okay. In the wake of graver problems however: 9/11, a war with two fronts, fear mongering, greed and economic collapse. And thankfully this decade comes to a close with more positive events: political history, hope and in the midst of it all - the opportunity to reinvent. Between you and me, I prefer the way this decade is going out to the way it came in.
Either way, for better or worse, we all went through it. All over the world. And we each have our own experiences attached to it. So now the December calendar has dwindled, the holidays have come & gone and the 2010's are underway.
So what's next? This a new beginning - a new year, a new decade, "new & different times". Sounds like the grumblings of a reinvention to me. And what an opportunity to begin again with a clean slate, to not compromise one's self, to consciously make powerful choices towards inner fulfillment. Hey, sign me up. I'm in.

So here's the Visceral Coaching question of the day.

What will you do to live a powerful uncompromising life in the 2010's?
You know what, I'll re frame - Asking about a decade-to-come might be a bit intimidating.
What will you do to live a powerful uncompromising life...starting today?

After all, today really is all we have. When we wake up tomorrow, it will be today. And the day after tomorrow? That will be today when it arrives. So that invites the same question. What will you do today? And today, and today, and today, to lead a powerful and uncompromising life. Broken down, it really is as simple as choosing to do it. Really. But when brought to the doorstep of making that choice is when we hesitate. This is about the time that our inner critic begins ratteling off the "reasons" that things aren't the way we really want them to be. Like for instance... "some thing happened yesterday that keeps us from being who we want to be or doing what we want to do today". Well, what's yesterday but a memory of the past. The memory of the dinosaurs are just as "real" as the memory of a lost job or the things left unsaid. They are not who/what we are, they are just memories - subjective memories at that. And here's a really good "reason": "The past makes us who we are today". Yeah, that's a good one. That one is practically impervious to large living. It's an excuse we use to serve up our responsibility for ourselves on a silver holiday platter to stay in a small dark comfortable box and maybe even blame others for our own smallness. Forget about yesterday. It's gone. It no longer exists. So to is the idea of who we thought we were.
And then there's tomorrow. The unknown. What will happen if..? Who will we be if..? What if..? Tomorrow is the juicy part of the reinvention equation. Remember, tomorrow is today in advance. Tomorrow will be the today where we have the chance to change, to reinvent. Today, right now to be specific, is special. Today we can wake up. Today is the day reinvention begins. Right now it begins. Right now.
That's my rant for the beginning of this decade. I ask that you keep me accountable for my own little corner of the reinvention movement. And I want to hold you accountable. So give it a shot. Start today. Do some thing differently today to get you one step closer to the kick ass life that you know you are able to lead. If you are already living life at a 10 out of 10, then take a moment to acknowledge yourself for busting your limits. And then see what you can do to go to 11, 12, 25 out of 10.
Visceral Coaching offers a structure to take you to 11 & beyond. check out the 30 Day Visceral Goals Intensive at http://www.visceralcoaching.com It all starts right now. Commit yourself, Achieve your goals, Create your future.

The moonlit sky

I just walked outside with the dog. The sky is bright with the moon & stars. And the clouds are sweeping across the sky. I don't see the night sky too often in the middle of New York City. Out here in Ulster County it's large. And beautiful.

As I looked up, I was reminded, in a flash, of how wonderful the experience of life is. It moves so fast, seemly without any built in opportunity to reflect and feel grateful. I must create that time. The silence of the country has brought that on for me.

I am grateful for so much.

What time is it in China?

So I'm getting back from a completely amazing vacation in Sweden. My wife and I are freshly recharged and have set clear, concise directions for the next few months, both professionally and personally. We get back, pick up the dog from the doggie farm in New Jersey - She swam in the ponds, ran free and collar-less with about a dozen other dogs of her breed, including a litter mate who keeps trying to mount her (not sure what that's about, but whatever). We get back to the apartment, flip through the mail, start to unpack and basically settle in to return to our "regularly scheduled programing".


In Sweden I was reading a business book that proposes some bold ideas on how to maximize my time. Time is, after all, money, right? Right. So I thought I'd put one of these bold ideas into practice.

On a tangential note, boldness is the topic of this weeks Visceral Quote of the Day. To start receiving them, click here http://www.visceralcoaching.com/vcregister.html Just check the box labeled Quote Of The Day.


Now this bold idea dealt with the sometimes touchy subject of overseas outsourcing. As in, to India. Bear in mind, I'm not making any decisions here. I'm simply doing some research. After all I'm a coach with a conscience. I'm aware of the social, political and economic impact of outsourcing. But I reiterate, I'm simply doing some research - a google here, a google there, you know.

So I come up with two companies where an enterprising businessman such as myself can, you know, outsource various business and personal tasks to a dedicated virtual assistant. The assistant is an actual person, so I don't really know where the "virtual" label applies. But either way, I continue my research. For both outsourcing companies, I needed to register an inquiry with my name and email address. A senior level consultant would then call me directly to discuss the intricacies of using their services.


"Ooooo" I thought. "Here I sit, just returning from a Scandinavian vacation, and now I get to be called from and perhaps do business with someone from India. That would make me an international businessman" ( I know, I gotta get out of my own way.)

So off I go to register. Full commitment. After a nano-second pause to think if I should use by business email or my junk email account, I go with my business email account. I am an international businessman and this is a matter of important business, so I had better represent my business, right? Right.


Awesome! The clear objectives Anna and I set for ourselves as we sat by the lapping water of the Baltic sea just one or two days before are being put into action right away. I get the automated thank you response from both VA companies and think nothing more about it. I'm off to do more business. Coaching, marketing, updating, you get it. As the first day of "Back from vacation" business draws to a close, I'm taken by how well it's going. After a bit of dinner, a check in with the Yankees, a "sit down" with Anna to recap our re-introduction to non-vacation life along with some other evening activities and then it's off to bed. G'night.


The next morning, I awake with the same amount of focus and energy. I'm looking forward to speaking with my potential new employee in India. After all, I am an international business man, right? Right. I go through the morning routine, sit at my desk in my home office, turn on the computer and log in to my email account - my business email account, that is. And what do I see? A strange and unusual message from China marked urgent to the CEO of Visceral Coaching.


"Ooooo" I thought. "Someone in China thinks I'm a CEO. How very international."

Well I am, aren't I?


I opened the message and it was very formal and business-like, the tone of which sounded something like this: (I'm paraphrasing of course.)

"There's a Chinese company who wants to buy domain names using your business name. Do you own the following list of domain names? ( List, blah, blah...) If so no problem, If not, you better buy 'em now or they will and your business will forever get confused with Asian conglomerates who have no intention of releasing you from their grip without a truckload or two of Chinese cash."

I sat back in my pseudo-reclinable international businessman chair and thought to myself,
"Hmmmm, Perhaps, just perhaps, I should have NOT put my business email address in the registration inquiry for these outsourcing companies after all. Perhaps, just perhaps, there is an unsecured electronic pathway in between New York City and Mumbai where a person or company could hack in and exploit small businesses that inquire about hiring an overseas VA!"


*Sigh*

Now what? I thought. This will put the brakes on my forward moving progress for sure. I need to do something about this.

"I'll pick up the phone to a business attorney I know. He'll help me to decipher this message. I thought "He's a real international businessman."

So I did. I called my friend and he snapped into action by deciphering the message and, as a friend, offered some clear feedback as to what my next step might be. We hung up the phone and I sat back again in the same pseudo-reclinable international businessman chair and thought,

"Oooooo...this is all very international. Here I am consulting with attorneys, talking to India, now China and vacationing in Scandinavia." ( I know, I know. I gotta get out of my own way.)

As I sit in my "North American" office, I cant help but realize that when ever I set a goal, I'm usually not able to see what kind of twists and turns the actions can take. So the moral of this particular story... Yes, it's important to set the goal, but it's also just as important to enjoy the international journey that takes you there.

The Power of Chioce: Recreate Your Brain.

I recently read a New York Times article about how people can become "creatures of new habits" by consciously choosing their habits and daily actions. The article goes on to say that by making those choices we create new neuro pathways in the brain on a physiological level. It's the equivalent to cutting a new paths in a dense forest.
This has made me very curious about human behavior. All of those habits and actions in life that give us comfort and/or appease our psyches - Milk and cookies, Seinfeld re-runs, smoking, hitting the snooze bar, lost hours on Facebook - are in one form or another a manifestation of "mindless" habits. I've also realized that the battle of habit vs. making conscious choices in life is at the core of the Visceral Coaching 35 Day Balance and Goals Coaching Program. Clients who have gone through this program are asked to make a conscious choice to ignite positive change in their lives and in the process, create new paths for a better life.
Diet plans say it takes 28 days to loose weight, smoking cessation programs say it takes 30 days to break the physical addiction to tobacco. Marketing plans offer 30 day periods to acquire higher visibility and more business. The afore mentioned New York Times article claims that we can direct our own change by creating new habits thus creating new neuro pathways, gain a deeper consciousness and even create new brain cells! I have practical experience in the thirty days to change concept. It offers a strong foundation for a lasting positive change in a persons life. It worked in mine. So what about the extra five days? They are built in days off! Play days. Time off is just as important as time at work. That's a component of the Balance part of the program.
A component of the Goals part of the program is to set a S.M.A.R.T. goal, a goal that's Specific, Measurable, Accountable, Resonant & Thrilling. Put it in your calendar - make it real. For the next 35 days you will make commitments to achieve your goal, take daily actions to honor those commitments and begin to create new neuro pathways to carry you through your goal to a more effective life. My job as a certified empowerment coach is to motivate you on a daily basis to achieve your goal. We work on maintaining clarity of purpose, eliminating distractions, deepening the learning of where you are each day, and celebrating the victories found in the process of committing to your goal.
The Visceral Coaching 35 Day Balance and Goals Coaching Program is suited for highly motivated individuals who want to put more accountability in their lives. There are five coaching sessions, one a week, along with daily check-ins via phone or email to track the progress of your goal. I encourage you to commit to The Visceral Coaching 35 Day Balance and Goals Coaching Program, but if you are curious and want to try it out for yourself, begin by answering the following questions:
What goal do you want to achieve in the next thirty-five days?
What commitments will you make to achieve that goal?
What actions will you take (what new neuro pathways will you create?) on a daily basis to achieve your goal?
What paths are you willing to forge in order to achieve to the life you want for yourself?
What are you willing to do to make a bold, positive change for yourself?

Balance & Goals

Ahhhhh….February is gone. The first day of spring is steadily approaching. And what a complement it will be to a snowy, blustery winter. It reminds me of the need to strike a balance between ourselves and the changing environment. I am a warm weather person and Anna, my wife, is a cold weather person. We enjoy opposite seasons and through each others enthusiasm for them, we strike an energy balance in each others lives. In the middle of February, with the temperature in single digits, Anna will sit up in the morning, take a deep breath and give me that “Isn’t-it-a-wonderful-day?” look. I usually pull the covers over my head to get the extra seven minutes of snooze time before the alarm goes off again. In August, when the sun is at its warmest, I don’t even need the alarm clock. My mind and body gets up and gently taps me on the shoulder to say “rise and shine”. I turn around to look at Anna with the same “Isn’t-it-a-wonderful-day?” look, only to be met with a grunt.

Now, don’t get me wrong, in the winter I can be found enjoying long walks in the snow with Anna and our dog Luna, or doing a bit of cross-country skiing - Swedish style - as I did over the Christmas holiday. Ans during the summer months, Anna can be found playing beach volleyball, beach-combing or diving through the waves of the ocean right next to me. What’s great about that is neither one of us would have even thought of partaking in each others’ activities had we not met and been willing to strike the balance that co-exists between us. It’s that balance that allows us to both advance and learn in our lives. In the balance we gain clarity to focus on our goals and aspirations.

The symbolism of spring – the rebirth, the rejuvenation of ones self is a powerful tool to harness.

What does this transition of seasons present for you?

Take a moment to check in with what’s in or out of balance in your life.
Mother Nature will be rebalancing her scales soon, what would it be like for you to do the same? To take stock in your goals and get clarity on the direction you’re heading? To rebalance your habits & behaviors so they get you where you want to go? To change….yup to change; to be conscious of purpose.
Visceral Coaching will give you clarity,balance and purpose so you can achieve your goals. Check out www.visceralcoaching.com for more details on private one on one coaching, group coaching and a the five week Balance & Goals Coaching Program.